19.7.08

Jimmy Was Walking to the Road to Hitchike: Part 3

And now for the third part in the series:






Jimmy was walking to the road to hitchhike. It was snowing. He saw a big tree and decided to climb it. When he was halfway up, he realized that he had no reason to climb the tree, so he decided to use it to look for Max, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. When he got to the top, he looked around, but instead of finding Max, he found National Geographic filming an episode on maps. Suddenly the wind whipped up, and Jimmy was tossed. He fell out and landed on a water buffalo. The buffalo took off at a gallop, with Jimmy hanging on. He was riding on the buffalo and an antelope came and asked him why he was sitting in his cantaloupes. Jimmy got down off the buffalo and started looking for Hidden Valley Ski Resort, where his car was parked. He kept walking, but when he reached the road, he didn’t see Hidden Valley. So Jimmy pulled out his PSP to listen to some music, and his DS to send a wireless message to Max, who was at McDonald’s. He sent Max the message, “Where is Hidden Valley Ski Resort?” A friendly motorist pulled over and pulled out a gun. He fired, but the bullet didn’t land. Jimmy thought this was strange, and it also reminded him of a TV show that his parents used to watch. Max sent a message back, asking Jimmy to play chess. Jimmy worked hard, but Max beat him. Then Max said, “You would have won if you didn’t have that useless Sony piece of junk. It is emitting hazardous radiation that is destructive to your Logical Facilities.” Jimmy decided to sue Sony for making such defective products, but he still hadn’t found his car or Hidden Valley. So he messaged Max, “You still haven’t told me where Hidden Valley is!” Max told him, “What does it matter to you? Besides, you still have that defective PSP!” Jimmy figured out that there were two ways to find Hidden Valley. First, he could walk back the way he had come. Secondly, he could ask the National Geographic crew. He got on the road, and while dodging cars, played Halo with a guy named “550ktrsAMA”. 550ktrsAMA was much worse than Jimmy at Halo, but he knew how to hack the system. Therefore, the game ended on a stalemate, with 550ktrsAMA winning. Jimmy decided he would retrace his steps, hoping to find Hidden Valley. As he walked along, he found a cantaloupe lying on the ground. This must have been one of the cantaloupes that the antelope was talking about. He suddenly picked up the cantaloupe and threw it. It disappeared—landed without a crash. Then Johnny Appleseed came out of the forest and asked Jimmy if he knew of a place that wasn’t snowing. Jimmy asked if he was still planting the apple seeds. Johnny replied that there were enough apple trees, so he had begun planting peach trees. Jimmy asked him if he knew where Hidden Valley Ranch was. Johnny said no. Then Max showed up and drove Jimmy to his lawyer.


The moral of the story is: Don’t ski in places that imply secrecy in their name.

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