This is what comes of me taking a shower when I'm sleep deprived:
"So, back when I was in high school, I heard about the Country Hoe-Down Square Dance of Awesomeness that was to be held in a fortnight. So, I packed my bags and set off for the distant land wherein lay the location of said Dance. After much toil and travail, I arrived at said location the day of said Dance. Whereupon I realized that I was wearing The Sweatpants of Utter Geekness, which in case you did not realize, is a Bad Thing. So, I was in much pain and distress over my situation, and I cried out in a loud voice, 'O curse me and my lack of the packing nature! Where shall I find a suitable pair of pants to wear to said Dance tonight? Woe is me, for I am a man who lacks style!'
"Thereafter I set off in a dour state of mind to find something to alleviate my situation. As I wandered across the lands of aforementioned Dance, I didst come upon the Country deity Matt Bellamy. (For those of you who deny that his music is country, listen to New Born. That is pure country music, and if what you're hearing isn't country, your version is photoshopped.) He greeted me, 'Welcome, child. For you have traveled far in your journeys from distant lands to come to the Country Hoe-Down Square Dance of Awesomeness.' I looked in awe and dropped to my knees and kissed his toe of awesomesauce. He spake unto me, 'My child, is there anything thou needest?' I answered and said, 'O Mr. Bellamy, I am in dire need of a pair of pants to wear this evening, for I only have The Sweatpants of Utter Geekness, and am ashamed of myself and am a reproach unto my kindred for wearing such an Abomination.' He answered and said unto me, 'My child, you have not because you ask not. Go now, and take this pair of my pants with you.' Whereupon he handed me an extra pair of his pants. I bowed and said, 'O Mr. Bellamy, I am forever indebted to you for the use of your pants this evening. May you and your family be blessed for a thousand generations hereafter.' And he answered and said unto me, 'Go in peace, my child; your faith has made your pants well.'
"After this I rejoiced greatly in my heart and set about the process of putting on Matt Bellamy's pants instead of mine own Sweatpants of Utter Geekness. I went to the aforementioned Dance that evening and brought glory unto myself and my kindred, for the pants I was wearing were great and magnificent."
Thanks to Joe my Youth Pastor and Hannah from my youth group for providing the inspiration behind this story. And the King James Bible; not sure how that got in there, but it did. This was written in jest and not meant to mock anything or anyone; I mean, what were you expecting?